BPOV
The days following our homecoming were slow and strange. Edward went to work every morning with a smile on his face, but when we were together the air around us was thick and heavy. He had taken to staring at me any time that he thought I wasn’t looking, but I felt like he never looked me in the eye any more. I would walk around the apartment and his workshop, trying desperately to get his attention. He gave me nothing. The worst time of day was when we crawled into bed, because we both knew that the morning would bring us one step closer to my departure. Soft sighs from Edward and silent tears from me, filled time that should have been spent touching and loving. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he simply refused. Any time I brought it up he would kiss me and move out of my reach. I replayed his response in my mind like a broken record. Let’s not talk about it now, love. I was getting sick of the repetition.
On the third night I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I decided that he was going to talk to me whether he liked it or not.
“Hey, baby? What’s going on with you? I feel like I’m a ghost here. You don’t even look me in the eye anymore. Are we okay?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face before he brought his arms to rest around me. “Bella. You’re not a ghost, sweetheart. That’s the last thing that you are. You are the most important thing in my life, but I just can’t talk about you leaving me. It makes me ache, baby. Let’s not talk about it now, love.” He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Edward, I’m leaving tomorrow whether we talk about it or not. Do you think that it doesn’t hurt me to think about? It kills me, it is killing me. And then on top of it all, you are pulling away from me and it’s breaking my heart. I feel like you’ve already made peace with our good bye. This isn’t over for me, you know? So, why have you written me off?” A river of tears makes it’s way down my cheeks. When I look up into Edward’s eyes, I’m surprised to see that they are wet as well.
“That’s the fucking problem, Bella. Don’t you see? It’s not over and yet it feels like it is. I’m going to stand by and watch you walk away from me in a few hours. How can this be happening? I mean, I knew that it was going to happen, but now that it is actually here, I want to fucking scream. But you seem just fine. Walking around this place, smiling and laughing with everyone, acting like you’re happy as can be to leaving me tomorrow. How am I supposed to deal with that?”
His words feel like a slap in the face. “I have been putting such an incredible effort into making sure you know how much I love you and need you. I’ve been laughing and smiling with everyone because I love you all so much! I’m trying to get every moment I possibly can, and you’re stealing my moments, Edward. Damn it, don’t ruin this for me. I want to leave here with happy thoughts, because this isn’t good bye for me. Stop trying to break up with me, Eddie, ‘cause I’m not going to let you.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I never meant to make you feel like that. I don’t want to talk about it because it’s hard for me to even think about it. When we talk about it it feels too real.”
“ I get that, and I understand, but it’s happening in a few hours. Don’t you want to be prepared? I do. I want to know that you hear me when I tell you that this isn’t the end, and that you know how much I will miss you. Just because I am the one leaving, doesn’t mean that you are the only one hurting. Talking about it might make it easier for both of us. So, I’m going to talk and when you’re ready, you can join in. Sound like a plan?” I questioned him and wagged my eyebrows, trying desperately to lighten the mood.
“Alright, Bella...” he sighed “...let’s talk.”
With that simple statement, he opened communication and lifted the world off of my shoulders. I told him about my school and my home. I told him about Alice and my dad. I even opened up and told him about the coffee table book with pictures of the ocean that I had published last year. He suggested I do a book of the desert, and I actually thought it was a great idea. He told me about his parents and how his grandparents used to own the diner before they passed it on to him and Rose. Finally, we decided that we would Skype every night and call or text anytime we felt the need. We also decided that he would make a trip out to see me the following weekend, as long as his schedule didn’t change.
“Edward, I have been looking into online courses. I think I may be able to get into some and that would mean that I would only be required to be in class a few times per semester. It would also mean that I could be here a lot more often, if it’s okay with you?”
When I look up at him through my lashes, the smile on his face makes me jump out of bed to grab my camera.
“Why is it that I am always in bed when you want to take my picture, Bella? It’s a little bit suspicious, baby girl.” Edward laughs as I snap picture after picture of him.
“I don’t know, Eddie, maybe it’s because I like you best when you’re half naked and underneath me.” I giggle as he grabs me around the waist and pulls me down next him.
The rest of the night is spent the way I hoped it would be, full of kisses and whispered promises.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
I woke up to wet kisses on the back of my neck and Edward’s arms around me. He waits for me to stir before he speaks. “Good morning, baby girl. Did you sleep well, my love?”
“I did, but I’m appreciating the wake up call.” I sigh and reach back until my hands are in his hair, holding his lips to my neck.
His hands ghost down my side until I feel his fingers gently tugging my panties down my legs. I kick them off and push back against him. Once he rids himself of his boxers, he pulls my shirt over my head. I move to turn into his arms but he stops me with his hand on my hips. I feel his hand make its way down to my knee, and I am at his mercy.
“Don’t you have to get to work, Eddie?” I whisper as his fingers graze the inside of my thigh.
“Not today, B. The girl I love is leaving town, and I’m going to spend every possible minute with her. Touching, teasing, and making damn sure that she never forgets that she belongs to me,” he says with his lips against my neck.
“That’s funny, Edward, because that is exactly how I was planning on spending my day.” I giggle and move my hand to join his between my legs.
He pulls my leg back to rest atop his, while my own fingers continue their journey to where I need them most. Apparently this doesn’t escape Edward’s notice.
“What ya doin’, Bella? I think that’s my job now, baby. Don’t spoil my fun,” he whispers and his breath fans against my shoulder.
“I think you have enough going on back there. I’m gonna go ahead and deal with what’s up here, if that’s okay with you?” I try to giggle, but it comes out as a moan.
My breaths quicken as his hands roam my torso, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I feel his arousal against my back and try to provide some friction for him. The hiss that escapes his lips tells me that he appreciates it. I have worked myself into a frenzy, and all I can think about is having him inside of me. At that moment, I realize that it will probably be the last time we make love before I leave, and my need for him almost becomes to much to contain. His voice breaks the silence.
“Is this okay, sweet girl? I need to feel you.”
All I can do is nod in response, and I feel him slide into me from behind. I didn’t think that sex with Edward could get any better, but then again we have never done it from this angle. Having his hand pressed flat over my heart, while the other arm winds around my waist is like heaven. Even though he is behind me it feels more intimate somehow. My hand reaches down to touch him where we are joined, and Edward bites my shoulder.
“Don’t stop, Bella. That feels amazing,” he pants and pulls me tight against his chest.
I don’t stop, and soon I feel the familiar tension low in my belly. It is sweet torture as it builds and builds.
“Let go, baby girl. Give me everything.”
And I do. His words are all it takes to push me over the edge.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
I can’t believe that I’m going to leave. I’m actually scared. Edward is cooking breakfast, and I can feel his eyes following me as I move around the apartment. My things are all packed and waiting by the door to be loaded up. Emmett is coming by to help me later. I can’t believe how much stuff I have acquired in the short time that I’ve been here. My credit card bill is going to be horrendous. Just because I have the money to pay it, doesn’t mean that I won’t be horrified.
“Breakfast is ready, baby. Are you hungry?” Edward calls from the kitchen.
“I’m starving! What did you make me?” I make my way to the kitchen table and stare open mouthed at the feast before me. Edward has set out omelets for each of us, cut fruit, toast, juice, and coffee. It wasn’t what I was expecting, and it brings tears to my eyes. My boy is taking care of me again.
“Thank you, love. This all looks so yummy. You didn’t have to do all of this.” I smile at him, and he looks so proud of himself.
“Anything for you, baby girl. You need your strength for your trip.”
“It’s only a three and a half hour trip, Edward. I’m not going cross country.” I reach for his hand, and kiss his palm.
“I know, B, but I don’t want you to have to stop for anything. Go straight home, and don’t give me a heart attack. Is that too much to ask?”
I stand up and plop myself down on his lap. I run my fingers through his hair, and scratch his scalp lightly. I watch as his eyes close and his heartbeat synchronizes with mine.
“I’ll go straight home, my love, and I will call you as soon as I get settled in. Then I will think of you every second of every day, and I will dream of you every single night. Before you know it, you will be knocking on my door.” I kiss his nose and move back to my own chair.
We finish breakfast in a comfortable silence before we make our way to the bedroom to double check that there isn’t anything I left behind. I sweep my eyes across the space that I have come to call home, and I realize that it looks as though I was never even there. I make a decision that moment, and I start to strip off the clothes that I am wearing. I get all of my clothes off and walk over to Edward’s chest of drawers, naked. I pull on a pair of his boxers and turn to him. As I expected, he is staring at me with wide eyes.
“Take off your shirt, Edward. I need it,” I say, watching his eyebrows raise in shock. He quietly complies and tosses his shirt to me. I take it out to the living room and put it in my bag. I grab a new shirt and pull it over my head. “There, now we both have something that smells like the other. I will sleep in your shirt and boxers, and you can cuddle up with my stuff. Plus I loaded the pictures of us in Vegas onto your laptop, so you won’t forget what I look like,” I say with a smile.
“You’re a genius, Bella. Do I get to keep the panties, too?”
“Of course you can, silly boy. Now come walk me out, it’s time. I want to be back in San Diego before rush hour.” I can’t look at him when I say it, but I hear it when his breath falters.
I slip my feet into my black Chuck’s beside the door, but decide to leave my pink Vans right where they are. I’ll be back for them.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
We walk out to my car, my fingers curled tightly around Edward’s. Emmett is loading the last of my bags into the back seat, and Rosalie is at his side with a paper bag and a to go cup in her hands. She reaches out to hand them to me, her smile quivering just a little.
“Onion rings, chocolate chip cookies, and a Dr. Pepper for the road, Bella. Drive safely, honey and call me after your settled.” She hugs me tightly. “Thank you for giving me my brother back.” She whispers only for me to hear. Rose walks away without another word.
“Well Tink, I guess this is it. Thank you for visiting our fine establishment, and please visit again soon,” Emmett says in his best hotel manager voice, before he laughs loudly and pulls me into a huge bear hug.
“Thank you, Emmett, but this isn’t it. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll see you soon, I’m sure of it.” I wink at him as he walks away and waves over his shoulder.
Then there were two. Just me and Edward, shuffling from foot to foot, trying to stretch the minutes as far as they will go.
“Well this is definitely harder than I thought that it would be...” I sigh “...If I don’t leave now, you’ll never get rid of me, so I’m just going to go. Like a band-aid, quick and painful.” I fake a laugh and finally look into his eyes. They are green flames and they burn straight into my soul.
“I love you, Bella Swan. You take my breath away,” Edward whispers as he opens my door for me.
I get in my car and Edward closes the door behind me. I notice something different. Hanging from my rear view mirror is the picture of Edward and I kissing in our hotel room in Vegas. I don’t know when he printed it out or when he put it in my car, but there it hangs.
“I love you, too, Edward Cullen. You make me so smiley, baby. I’ll call you.” And with that I leave my heart standing in the parking lot where my life changed forever.
I don't want us
To fall apart today or ever
You're the one who said
You'd never leave
There's no good reason for
Giving up
All this mess is just bad luck
So please don't lose your
Confidence in me
I wish I wasn't so fragile
Cause I know that I'm not
Easy to handle
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
I don't wanna feel like this
But I'm so tired of missing you
I don't wanna beg for your time
I want you mine, all mine
I wish I wasn't so fragile
Cause I know that I'm not
Easy to handle
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
I bet you smile when you
Think of me
You love me
Messy in the morning
Freckles on my knees
Oh baby please
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh baby, sweet baby oh
Oh my baby, sweet baby
Don't forget you love me...
Fall Apart Today - Schuyler Fisk
The days following our homecoming were slow and strange. Edward went to work every morning with a smile on his face, but when we were together the air around us was thick and heavy. He had taken to staring at me any time that he thought I wasn’t looking, but I felt like he never looked me in the eye any more. I would walk around the apartment and his workshop, trying desperately to get his attention. He gave me nothing. The worst time of day was when we crawled into bed, because we both knew that the morning would bring us one step closer to my departure. Soft sighs from Edward and silent tears from me, filled time that should have been spent touching and loving. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he simply refused. Any time I brought it up he would kiss me and move out of my reach. I replayed his response in my mind like a broken record. Let’s not talk about it now, love. I was getting sick of the repetition.
On the third night I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I decided that he was going to talk to me whether he liked it or not.
“Hey, baby? What’s going on with you? I feel like I’m a ghost here. You don’t even look me in the eye anymore. Are we okay?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face before he brought his arms to rest around me. “Bella. You’re not a ghost, sweetheart. That’s the last thing that you are. You are the most important thing in my life, but I just can’t talk about you leaving me. It makes me ache, baby. Let’s not talk about it now, love.” He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Edward, I’m leaving tomorrow whether we talk about it or not. Do you think that it doesn’t hurt me to think about? It kills me, it is killing me. And then on top of it all, you are pulling away from me and it’s breaking my heart. I feel like you’ve already made peace with our good bye. This isn’t over for me, you know? So, why have you written me off?” A river of tears makes it’s way down my cheeks. When I look up into Edward’s eyes, I’m surprised to see that they are wet as well.
“That’s the fucking problem, Bella. Don’t you see? It’s not over and yet it feels like it is. I’m going to stand by and watch you walk away from me in a few hours. How can this be happening? I mean, I knew that it was going to happen, but now that it is actually here, I want to fucking scream. But you seem just fine. Walking around this place, smiling and laughing with everyone, acting like you’re happy as can be to leaving me tomorrow. How am I supposed to deal with that?”
His words feel like a slap in the face. “I have been putting such an incredible effort into making sure you know how much I love you and need you. I’ve been laughing and smiling with everyone because I love you all so much! I’m trying to get every moment I possibly can, and you’re stealing my moments, Edward. Damn it, don’t ruin this for me. I want to leave here with happy thoughts, because this isn’t good bye for me. Stop trying to break up with me, Eddie, ‘cause I’m not going to let you.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I never meant to make you feel like that. I don’t want to talk about it because it’s hard for me to even think about it. When we talk about it it feels too real.”
“ I get that, and I understand, but it’s happening in a few hours. Don’t you want to be prepared? I do. I want to know that you hear me when I tell you that this isn’t the end, and that you know how much I will miss you. Just because I am the one leaving, doesn’t mean that you are the only one hurting. Talking about it might make it easier for both of us. So, I’m going to talk and when you’re ready, you can join in. Sound like a plan?” I questioned him and wagged my eyebrows, trying desperately to lighten the mood.
“Alright, Bella...” he sighed “...let’s talk.”
With that simple statement, he opened communication and lifted the world off of my shoulders. I told him about my school and my home. I told him about Alice and my dad. I even opened up and told him about the coffee table book with pictures of the ocean that I had published last year. He suggested I do a book of the desert, and I actually thought it was a great idea. He told me about his parents and how his grandparents used to own the diner before they passed it on to him and Rose. Finally, we decided that we would Skype every night and call or text anytime we felt the need. We also decided that he would make a trip out to see me the following weekend, as long as his schedule didn’t change.
“Edward, I have been looking into online courses. I think I may be able to get into some and that would mean that I would only be required to be in class a few times per semester. It would also mean that I could be here a lot more often, if it’s okay with you?”
When I look up at him through my lashes, the smile on his face makes me jump out of bed to grab my camera.
“Why is it that I am always in bed when you want to take my picture, Bella? It’s a little bit suspicious, baby girl.” Edward laughs as I snap picture after picture of him.
“I don’t know, Eddie, maybe it’s because I like you best when you’re half naked and underneath me.” I giggle as he grabs me around the waist and pulls me down next him.
The rest of the night is spent the way I hoped it would be, full of kisses and whispered promises.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
I woke up to wet kisses on the back of my neck and Edward’s arms around me. He waits for me to stir before he speaks. “Good morning, baby girl. Did you sleep well, my love?”
“I did, but I’m appreciating the wake up call.” I sigh and reach back until my hands are in his hair, holding his lips to my neck.
His hands ghost down my side until I feel his fingers gently tugging my panties down my legs. I kick them off and push back against him. Once he rids himself of his boxers, he pulls my shirt over my head. I move to turn into his arms but he stops me with his hand on my hips. I feel his hand make its way down to my knee, and I am at his mercy.
“Don’t you have to get to work, Eddie?” I whisper as his fingers graze the inside of my thigh.
“Not today, B. The girl I love is leaving town, and I’m going to spend every possible minute with her. Touching, teasing, and making damn sure that she never forgets that she belongs to me,” he says with his lips against my neck.
“That’s funny, Edward, because that is exactly how I was planning on spending my day.” I giggle and move my hand to join his between my legs.
He pulls my leg back to rest atop his, while my own fingers continue their journey to where I need them most. Apparently this doesn’t escape Edward’s notice.
“What ya doin’, Bella? I think that’s my job now, baby. Don’t spoil my fun,” he whispers and his breath fans against my shoulder.
“I think you have enough going on back there. I’m gonna go ahead and deal with what’s up here, if that’s okay with you?” I try to giggle, but it comes out as a moan.
My breaths quicken as his hands roam my torso, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I feel his arousal against my back and try to provide some friction for him. The hiss that escapes his lips tells me that he appreciates it. I have worked myself into a frenzy, and all I can think about is having him inside of me. At that moment, I realize that it will probably be the last time we make love before I leave, and my need for him almost becomes to much to contain. His voice breaks the silence.
“Is this okay, sweet girl? I need to feel you.”
All I can do is nod in response, and I feel him slide into me from behind. I didn’t think that sex with Edward could get any better, but then again we have never done it from this angle. Having his hand pressed flat over my heart, while the other arm winds around my waist is like heaven. Even though he is behind me it feels more intimate somehow. My hand reaches down to touch him where we are joined, and Edward bites my shoulder.
“Don’t stop, Bella. That feels amazing,” he pants and pulls me tight against his chest.
I don’t stop, and soon I feel the familiar tension low in my belly. It is sweet torture as it builds and builds.
“Let go, baby girl. Give me everything.”
And I do. His words are all it takes to push me over the edge.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
I can’t believe that I’m going to leave. I’m actually scared. Edward is cooking breakfast, and I can feel his eyes following me as I move around the apartment. My things are all packed and waiting by the door to be loaded up. Emmett is coming by to help me later. I can’t believe how much stuff I have acquired in the short time that I’ve been here. My credit card bill is going to be horrendous. Just because I have the money to pay it, doesn’t mean that I won’t be horrified.
“Breakfast is ready, baby. Are you hungry?” Edward calls from the kitchen.
“I’m starving! What did you make me?” I make my way to the kitchen table and stare open mouthed at the feast before me. Edward has set out omelets for each of us, cut fruit, toast, juice, and coffee. It wasn’t what I was expecting, and it brings tears to my eyes. My boy is taking care of me again.
“Thank you, love. This all looks so yummy. You didn’t have to do all of this.” I smile at him, and he looks so proud of himself.
“Anything for you, baby girl. You need your strength for your trip.”
“It’s only a three and a half hour trip, Edward. I’m not going cross country.” I reach for his hand, and kiss his palm.
“I know, B, but I don’t want you to have to stop for anything. Go straight home, and don’t give me a heart attack. Is that too much to ask?”
I stand up and plop myself down on his lap. I run my fingers through his hair, and scratch his scalp lightly. I watch as his eyes close and his heartbeat synchronizes with mine.
“I’ll go straight home, my love, and I will call you as soon as I get settled in. Then I will think of you every second of every day, and I will dream of you every single night. Before you know it, you will be knocking on my door.” I kiss his nose and move back to my own chair.
We finish breakfast in a comfortable silence before we make our way to the bedroom to double check that there isn’t anything I left behind. I sweep my eyes across the space that I have come to call home, and I realize that it looks as though I was never even there. I make a decision that moment, and I start to strip off the clothes that I am wearing. I get all of my clothes off and walk over to Edward’s chest of drawers, naked. I pull on a pair of his boxers and turn to him. As I expected, he is staring at me with wide eyes.
“Take off your shirt, Edward. I need it,” I say, watching his eyebrows raise in shock. He quietly complies and tosses his shirt to me. I take it out to the living room and put it in my bag. I grab a new shirt and pull it over my head. “There, now we both have something that smells like the other. I will sleep in your shirt and boxers, and you can cuddle up with my stuff. Plus I loaded the pictures of us in Vegas onto your laptop, so you won’t forget what I look like,” I say with a smile.
“You’re a genius, Bella. Do I get to keep the panties, too?”
“Of course you can, silly boy. Now come walk me out, it’s time. I want to be back in San Diego before rush hour.” I can’t look at him when I say it, but I hear it when his breath falters.
I slip my feet into my black Chuck’s beside the door, but decide to leave my pink Vans right where they are. I’ll be back for them.
xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo
We walk out to my car, my fingers curled tightly around Edward’s. Emmett is loading the last of my bags into the back seat, and Rosalie is at his side with a paper bag and a to go cup in her hands. She reaches out to hand them to me, her smile quivering just a little.
“Onion rings, chocolate chip cookies, and a Dr. Pepper for the road, Bella. Drive safely, honey and call me after your settled.” She hugs me tightly. “Thank you for giving me my brother back.” She whispers only for me to hear. Rose walks away without another word.
“Well Tink, I guess this is it. Thank you for visiting our fine establishment, and please visit again soon,” Emmett says in his best hotel manager voice, before he laughs loudly and pulls me into a huge bear hug.
“Thank you, Emmett, but this isn’t it. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll see you soon, I’m sure of it.” I wink at him as he walks away and waves over his shoulder.
Then there were two. Just me and Edward, shuffling from foot to foot, trying to stretch the minutes as far as they will go.
“Well this is definitely harder than I thought that it would be...” I sigh “...If I don’t leave now, you’ll never get rid of me, so I’m just going to go. Like a band-aid, quick and painful.” I fake a laugh and finally look into his eyes. They are green flames and they burn straight into my soul.
“I love you, Bella Swan. You take my breath away,” Edward whispers as he opens my door for me.
I get in my car and Edward closes the door behind me. I notice something different. Hanging from my rear view mirror is the picture of Edward and I kissing in our hotel room in Vegas. I don’t know when he printed it out or when he put it in my car, but there it hangs.
“I love you, too, Edward Cullen. You make me so smiley, baby. I’ll call you.” And with that I leave my heart standing in the parking lot where my life changed forever.
I don't want us
To fall apart today or ever
You're the one who said
You'd never leave
There's no good reason for
Giving up
All this mess is just bad luck
So please don't lose your
Confidence in me
I wish I wasn't so fragile
Cause I know that I'm not
Easy to handle
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
I don't wanna feel like this
But I'm so tired of missing you
I don't wanna beg for your time
I want you mine, all mine
I wish I wasn't so fragile
Cause I know that I'm not
Easy to handle
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
I bet you smile when you
Think of me
You love me
Messy in the morning
Freckles on my knees
Oh baby please
Oh baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh my baby please
Don't forget you love me
Don't forget you love me
Today
Oh baby, sweet baby oh
Oh my baby, sweet baby
Don't forget you love me...
Fall Apart Today - Schuyler Fisk
1 comment:
sadface:( I dont think i could leave!? I feel some withdrawls coming on for her.Thanks for sharing! <3 xoxo
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