Chapter 4- Shattered Glass

Is it absolutely ridiculous that I feel sad to be leaving Baker behind? There is a heaviness in my chest that I have no explanation for. I need to get to Jake and then I’ll be fine. The drive into Vegas is short and my excitement grows as the city comes into view. I head toward the Eiffel Tower, because I’m getting married in Paris baby! It’s a dream come true for me to have my wedding under the beautiful tower, and with such a small wedding party I actually have the option. I park my car in the garage and make my way inside the hotel, leaving my bags for Jake to come get later. I am blown away by the beauty of it all. I have never stayed here before, and I really want to take a look around. I decide to call Jake and let him know I’m here, maybe he wants to join me.

“Hey this is Jake, leave a message!” It’s strange that Jake isn’t answering the phone, but maybe he’s in the shower. I head for the bank of elevators so that I can go up and surprise him.

When I get to the room I notice that the door is stuck open. A look around tells me that a piece of clothing is keeping the door from shutting properly. I pick it up and I realize that it is Jake’s shirt. It’s dark in the room, due to the black out curtains being closed. It seems that the room is empty, until my eyes adjust to the darkness and I see that Jake is actually asleep in the bed. I make my way to the foot of the bed, planning on climbing in with him. I stop short, because I see that he is not alone. I can feel that my mouth is hanging open, but I don’t have the presence of mind to close it.

The first thought in my mind is “No one is going to fucking believe this. Hell, I don’t even fucking believe this.” So I do the only thing I can think of and take my cell phone out of my pocket. I turn it on and load up the camera. The flash lights up the room, and I get a better look at the tangle of limbs on the bed. The blonde woman is laying on her back, nude but for the sheet tangled around her waist, and Jake is on his stomach with his head on her toned abdomen. I’m going to need this picture, because like I said no one is ever going to believe this! I continue to stand there and Jake’s eyes flutter open. I give him a moment and I see the exact second that realization sets in. He moves to sit up and I put my hand up to stop him. Surprisingly he stops, and doesn’t even try to speak, he just stares at me. I lower my hand and utter the only 6 words that fit this fucked up moment.

“I hope it was worth it.”


                    ~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~

I run to my car, and throw my phone in one of the hotel trash cans as I go out the door.  I don’t want to have to ignore calls from Jake for the rest of my life. I swear it felt like my car hugged me when I got in , and when I put the key in the ignition, the song that blared from the speakers caused my tears to finally fall. Damn Paramore for owning my heart.

“I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away”

I can’t believe this is happening to me. What am I supposed to do now? The plan was to get married, go home with Jake and live happily ever after. Now I literally have no one. I don’t want to go back to Washington. I want to go back to California. I’m going home, and San Diego is my home. I’m going to go back and make a life for myself. I’m going to get my apartment back and find a job. I’m going to enroll in graduate school, because I am fucking brilliant and I owe it to myself. There, now I have a plan. No one is going to stop me from carrying it out. I will never give my power away again.

I don’t know how long I’ve been driving, but it must be longer than I realize, because I am now back where I started. I can see the diner and the sign with big yellow sea shell. They are all there, Rose, Emmett and Edward. They are living their lives unaware that I am here, broken and lost. Would they care if I told them? Would they give me their sympathy and their comfort? If I went back I wouldn’t be alone. I need to not be alone. I want to tell someone what happened to me . I want someone to know that my life as I know it is over. I want to be told that my plan is a good one and that my feelings are valid. I am not sad, I am mad. I’m mad that I wasted my time. I’m mad that I gave up my life and took his life on as my own. I’m mad that my friends have long since abandoned me because they stopped recognizing me. “FUUUUUUUCK!”  I scream at no one. “FUCK YOU, JAKE!!! I DON’T LOVE YOU! I NEVER DID!” I choke on my sobs as I pull into the parking lot of the motel and my car steers itself towards Edward’s room. I know that I shouldn’t bring my troubles to him, but I don’t have anywhere else to go. I miss his eyes, and I want him to sing to me.

Before I can change my mind I am out of the car and running across the lot to the door that I know will lead me to him. I raise my hand to knock and I swear that a swarm of butterflies has taken up residence in my stomach. When he opens the door the look on his face is one of shock. Damn, he is as beautiful as I remember and I must look like a hot mess from crying. I know that I am red and swollen, but when he speaks none of that matters.

“Gorgeous? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? What are you doing back here?”

“Slow down Eddie, I’ve just had my heart broken, and my brain isn’t functioning correctly. Can I come in?” I ask with the best smile I can muster.

He moves aside so that I can go in and with his hand on the small of my back, he guides me to the couch. “What happened, Bella?”

“Do you want to hear the part where I found my fiancee in bed with a blonde whore? Or do you want to hear the part where I had no where else to go but here? Take your pick Edward, because I guess it’s basically the same story. They both end with my broken heart.” I try blinking away my tears, but it’s no use.

“Wait a minute! You caught your fiancee in bed with someone else? The guy you were going there to marry? How did that happen? B, I’m so confused right now. And you’re back.” he ends his rant with a smile that almost makes me forget that my heart hurts.

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips, because he is so beautiful. “Yes, I’m back. I was hoping that you could take a few hours and babysit me while I drink my troubles away.”

Edward laughs out loud and I swear it makes my tears dry. “Sure thing, Baby Girl. Let me call Emmett and see if he has anything we can drink. I’m sure he does.”

An hour later Edward and I are sitting on the floor, leaning against his couch. I am half a bottle of vodka into my pity party and I am feeling much better. Edward has taken a few shots at my insistence, but he is mostly sober and even that doesn’t stop me from saying what I say next. “Edward, I have a confession to make.” I said trying not to look at him. I can feel his eyes on me and yet, I can’t bring myself to stop talking. “I have a giant size crush on you, Eddie. I have never ever even seen anyone as pretty as you in real life. And I know I may regret this tomorrow, but I think I’m going to kiss you now.”

Edward is laughing again. “Beautiful girl, what are you talking about? If you kiss me, you won’t regret it tomorrow. I promise you that.”

I get up on my knees and move close enough to touch him. I cradle his face in my hands and rest my forehead against his and whisper to him. “Be very still... don’t move.” From where my hands are I feel the smile on his face, but he doesn’t move away. That’s a good thing isn’t it? I can’t fucking believe that I’m doing this, but I am. I press my lips to his and it is magic. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me to him. My fingers curl into the hair at the nape of his neck and he hisses and pulls away. “Ouch... B, that’s attached to me you know.”   I smile and run my hands from his neck down his shoulders to his chest. I grab fistfuls of his t-shirt, and use it to pull him back to me.  I run my tongue across his bottom lip silently asking for entry, and he obliges. This kiss is soft and I am trying to memorize every second of it. The feel of his lips on mine, the feel of his teeth as he bites my bottom lip gently. His arms tighten around my waist and I push slightly on his chest, trying to make him lay back, but he stays upright. I push again and his lips leave mine and make their way across my jaw to my ear. “Baby girl, stop. You won’t regret the kissing but I can’t guarantee you won’t regret it if we go any further.”

I drop my head to his shoulder, and I can’t help the tears that fall as the rejection washes over me. “Please Edward. Please, I’m empty. I don’t want to be empty anymore. Just for tonight, please.” Edward lifts me from the floor easily and walks towards his bedroom, and I pray that I’m about to get what I want. He sits me on the edge of the bed, and takes a step back from me. He looks in my eyes as he reaches down and pulls his shirt over his head. He walks back to the bed and kneels in front of me. His hands go to the hem of my shirt and he asks permission with his eyes. I lift my arms over my head, and he pulls it from my body.

“Bella, lay down with me.” He says it and it isn’t a question, so I move my self up to the pillows and lay down. Edward follows me and when he is comfortable he opens his arms, and my tears start to fall again. “Come here, Angel. There is no crying in my bed sweet girl. Just be here with me now. Close your eyes, it’s going to be okay.”

I curl my body around him and close my eyes. Calm washes over me as his fingers wipe my tears away before they brush through my hair. I feel him press his lips to my chin, and he makes his way across my jaw to my ear and down to the hollow of my throat. He is leaving a trail of fire as he goes and it feels so fucking good. He places a kiss over my heart and then lays back on the pillow and pulls me to him.

“I’m not going to have sex with you while you’re drunk, Gorgeous.” He whispers into my hair, before he presses his lips to my head. “I won’t be another bad thing that happened to you this summer.”

“You don’t want me?” I ask propping myself up on my elbow so that I can look in his eyes. “I can leave if you want me to.”

“Bella, I don’t want you to leave and believe me I want you. I just want it to be something you can enjoy, not just a drunken almost memory. Does that makes sense?” He rubs my back and holds me tighter.

“It makes sense Eddie, but it sucks! UGHHHH!!!” I scream in frustration. I hide my face in his chest and hope he can’t see that I’m crying again.

“Stay with me, Baby Girl.” He whispers just as my eyes flutter shut and sleep takes over.
               ~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~xoxo~


I wake up and the pounding in my head is overshadowed by the fact that I am laying in Edward’s arms. I look around and decide that I need to go out to my car to get my tooth brush and a change of clothes so I can shower. I look at Edward and try to decide the best plan of action for getting out of bed and not waking him up. His eyelashes fan out casting a shadow on his cheeks and his lips are slightly parted, his rhythmic breathing threatens to hypnotize me if I stare to long. I lift his hand from around my waist and lay it gently on the mattress behind me, and hold my breath while I slide out of bed. I stand and do a silent cheer that my mission was successful. I start to exit the room and realize that I am still wearing my shorts and bra, but I have no shirt on. I decide to just throw Edward’s shirt on. It’s about three sizes to big, but it’s comfy and it smells like him. So the pro’s out weigh the con’s. I step into my shoes and close the door quietly behind me.

The air outside is warm and but the breeze carries a slight chill with it. I make my way across the parking lot to my car. As push the key in the lock of the trunk I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I know I will find inside. And just as I expect I see the white garment bag that holds my wedding gown safe from any elements of destruction that may be hiding in the small dark space that houses it. Is there some kind of a garment bag I can get to fit around my heart? I could have really fucking used one a few hours ago. I really never want to see the dress again. It is beautiful and I spent countless hours looking through vintage shops until I found one that I thought was meant to be mine. Now the thought of opening the bag makes me nauseous. I look to my left and catch a glimpse of a large metal trash bin that looks like it may have once carried hazardous material inside. I imagine myself throwing the dress into it and tears spill down my face as I realize again that I am going home alone and not with a husband as I had planned. Now I’m mad again. I stalk over to the huge bin and stare into it. It’s empty, and it reminds me of a night at the beach with my roommates. We lit a fire and sat on top of a picnic table roasting marshmallows over the flames. A plan is hatched in my brain and I start to drag the bin towards my car. The stupid thing is heavy, so I give up about half way and start walking back to my car. Before I get there I am startled by a voice coming out of the darkness.

“Hey Tink? Um what are you doing?”

“Crap Emmett! You scared me!” I can barely get the words out.

He laughs as he steps closer and is bathed in the yellow light of the street lamp. “Are you going to answer my question?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m about to have a little wedding dress bonfire. Care to join me?”

He laughs long and hard before he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you serious? You’re going to burn some one’s wedding dress?”

“Not some one's, mine. And yes I’m going to set my wedding dress on fire. Do you have a lighter or some matches? Oh and marshmallows! We can totally roast marshmallows!” I’m clapping my hands and bouncing up and down when I hear Edward’s door open. I turn to see him standing there bare chested with a look of confusion on his beautiful face.

Emmett breaks the silence because it is obvious that Edward and I are not going to. “Hey  Eddie! Man, get your ass over here! We’re about to have ourselves a wedding dress bonfire! Do you have any marshmallows?”

Edward makes his way over to us, still wearing a mask of confusion. “What the hell? Did you just say you were having a wedding dress bonfire? What does that even mean, Em? B, what the hell?”

I giggle at his high pitched voice. I take a step towards him, cradle his face in my hands and I whisper with the straightest face I can manage. “It means I’m going to set  my wedding dress on fire and I’d really like it if I could roast marshmallows as well. I need matches and some marshmallows. Can you go grab those for me, Sweet Face?”

Edward put his hands over mine and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were like green flames staring back at me. He pulls my hands from his face and swallows loudly. He turns and walked away without saying a word. Emmett and I look at each other before I shout at him. “So does that mean you have them?”

Without turning around he yells back “Yes, B! I have matches and marshmallows! Let’s get this party started!”

An unexpected voice breaks the silence after Edward’s door shuts, and Emmett gasps beside me. “What the hell is all the noise out here? It’s two in the morning for crying out loud!” It is Rosalie in a pink tank top and boxers, looking like she just stepped out of a fucking Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

“Aw babe! We’re sorry, we’re just excited. Bella is about to set her wedding dress on fire because her douche bag fiancee slept with a skank in Vegas, and Eddie went to get her some marshmallows!” He said, all dimples and teeth.

Rose comes running over to us screaming all the way. “Well why the fuck didn’t you say so? Em, go get the trash can.” Emmett walks away and Rosalie pulls me into a hug. “I’m so sorry Bella, but hey at least you didn’t marry the fucker, right?”

I hug her back and try to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. “That’s exactly what I think Rose. It doesn’t suck any less, though.” Edward walks up at that moment, still bare chested, carrying a bag of marshmallows, some wire hangers, a bottle of wine and a box of matches. The smirk on his face makes my knees weak, and when I grab Rose’s arm for support, I hear her chuckle under her breath.

“Get your asses over here! Let’s set some shit on fire!” We all turn to see that Emmett has put the trash can in front of his truck and opened the tailgate for us to sit on.

Rose and Edward make their way over to him while I turn back to my car to get the dress. I’m grateful to have a minute alone to collect myself. I can hear my new friends laughing, and I know that it is time to move on. I pull the bag out of the trunk, and I have a memory of 16 year old Jake smiling at me. “I’m going to marry you one day, Bells. We are meant to be.” A single tear trickles down my cheek as I make my way over to Emmett’s truck.

I step up to the trash can, and Edward grabs my hand. “You don’t have to do this, Bella. We can roast marshmallows on something else.” His eyes are pleading with me, and his face is concerned.

“I want to do this, Edward. It’s closure, and I need it.” I unzip the garment bag and gently pull out what was meant to be my wedding dress. Rose gasps and covers her mouth.

“Bella it’s beautiful! Are you sure you want to do this?” She asks, her eyes wide with surprise.

“I’m sure, Rose. Let’s do this thing.” I turn to Edward and hold my hand out. “Give me the matches and step back, Cullen.” I drop my dress into the bin and I hear Rose sigh loudly. I strike the match and hold it high above the bin. “Good bye, Jake. I hope you find your happiness, since it obviously wasn’t me.” I drop the match and feel the tears burn my eyes.

Emmett straightens out the hangers and passes them around. Edward opens the bag of marshmallows and sticks them on the ends of the wires. We hold them over the rim as the flames rise up to meet us. Emmett is practically jumping up and down with excitement and Rose still looks upset about the dress. I feel an arm drape across my shoulder and I look up to see Edward staring into the flames. The red glow illuminating his beautiful face, and I can’t take my eyes off of him. I lean into him, and he squeezes my shoulder. We eat in silence. I watch as Emmett and Rose feed each other, laughing and kissing. Eventually he sweeps her up and runs home with her in his arms. I hear her squeal as the door slams shut. Edward sits on the tailgate of the truck and pulls me to stand between his legs. With my back to his chest I sink back into him and his arms tighten around my waist. His chin is resting on my shoulder when he finally breaks the silence.

“Are you okay, Bella? I’m not sure this was the best way to get your closure. I get that you need it, but this was kind of extreme. Don’t you think?” His breath fans out against my neck and it makes me shiver.

I can’t answer him, because my tears are falling freely now, and I don’t want him to hear the emotion in my voice. We stand like that for a few minutes but soon the silence is to much for him, and Edward turns me around to face him. His face is surprised at first and then it softens to something sad and concerned. He uses his thumbs to brush the tears off of my cheeks, and I lose myself in his gentle touches. I take a deep breath and wind my arms around his neck. Before he can stop me I press my lips to his. I know the kiss is needy, but he doesn’t stop me. He puts his hands under my arms and easily lifts me up on to his lap.  He moves back further into the truck bed and I straddle his thighs. His kiss becomes hungry as he pulls me down against his body. I can feel his need for me through my jeans and I am praying again that he won’t stop. All to soon, he pushes me away .

“Gorgeous, if you want to stop you have to tell me now.” His voice is low and comes out in a rush with his labored breathing.

I run both my hands through his hair while I look him in the eye, and push myself harder down onto him. “Why Edward, you don’t think I plan on taking advantage of you right here in the back of Emmett’s truck do you?” I say with a lifted eyebrow and the smirk that I picked up from him.

He chuckles and looks up at me through his lashes. “Fuck, I was hoping you would.”

Without warning I jump out of the truck and run back over to my own car. I yank open the passenger side door and dig through my glove compartment. Then I see it, the small foil square that is my golden fucking ticket into Edward’s pants. I grab my blanket from the back seat and slam the door. I run back to Emmett’s truck and find Edward drinking straight from the wine bottle. I throw the blanket at him and he quirks an eyebrow at me.

“You cold or something, Beautiful?” He asks as I jump back into the truck and pull the tailgate closed.

I pull him up so that we are both standing and I smooth the blanket out on the floor of the truck bed before I answer him. “No Eddie, but I’m not especially fond of gravel embedded in any part of my body.” I push him down on his butt and stand over him with one foot on the outside of each of his thighs. He gapes at me as I produce the foil packet from my back pocket and toss it to him.

He lets out a loud sigh and reaches up to grab my hips and pull me back into his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist as my tongue peeks out to taste the soft spot below his ear. The groan that comes from his chest is enough for me to continue what I’m doing. His arms wrap tightly around my back and he twists us until I find myself on my back. He hovers over me with a smile that takes my breath away and he whispers “Emmett is gonna kick my ass.”  




“Did I wake you? Were you sleeping? Were you still in the bed?
Or is a nightmare keeping you up instead?
Poor baby, are you feeling guilty for what you did?
If you think you're hurting, you ain't seen nothing yet

Was it really worth it?
Was she everything that you were looking for to feel like a man?
I hope you know that you can't come back
'Cause all we have is broken like shattered glass

You're gonna see me in your dreams tonight
My face is gonna haunt you all the time
I promise that you gon' want me back
When your life falls apart like shattered glass
Glass, glass, glass

Are you having trouble focusing throughout the day?
Do you find yourself still calling my name?
Do you wish you could rewind time and take it back?
I bet you realized that she ain't half the woman I am

Was it really worth it?
Was she everything that you were looking for to feel like a man?
I hope you know that you can't come back
'Cause all we have is broken like shattered glass

You're gonna see me in your dreams tonight
My face is gonna haunt you all the time
I promise that you gon' want me back
When your life falls apart like shattered glass
Glass, glass, glass, glass, like glass.”
Shattered Glass ~ Britney Spears